UN Roundtable Peace Talks Session 002300001

In our first address to the Global Village PABF4UE will be discoursing on several key points we feel point to the heart of our organization:

Firstly and Mainly:
The deplorable educational standards our pre-human tree-dwelling bretherehn face in not only Unistat, but across the globe. Through this abyssmal excuse for academia our primate family is coerced into a feebly primitive mode of existence, barred from more evolved forms of civilised society; this is accomplished in particular by the lack of educating them in specific key terms, such as "front", "unilateral", and mostly "equanimity".

Secondly and Almostly:
We feel the ethnic woman with the head-borne fruit basket is not only an offensive, but totally unrelated advertising "mascot" for Chiqita Industries. Proposition of an infant ape clutching an empty banana peel with a doleful grief-stricken expression and a fresh tear starting to descend from one eye staring plaintively out from the small tri-color decal would paint a much more accurate picture of reality:
You primarily biped bastards enjoy our life's blood wantonly while our children's children starve, but one day, they will rise in bloody rebellion against their nurishment-seizing oppressors.

Our public relations/marketing department is fleshing out whether or not the infant used will be a diaper-clad chimp baby, or an actual puprle assed baboon, or if need be, mandrill.

Tertiarily and Blargh:
The world as a whole must recognize the dominance of all monkeykind over all "shaven monkies"; the entirety of humanity owes its existence as is known now to their knuckle-dragging ancestors and se propose:
1: Every third month every other second year (except leap years, then the third halfway through) on the fifteenth day of that seventh month, which should be May... or August... there will be a day of Great Celebration of Monkies and all Primate Relatives. On this day it is expected, although not enforced, that each citizen born upright must clean by hand one monkey at least, and teach another to shake hands regardless of imminent physical risk.
2: On this same day it is illegal to touch a monkey under any circumstance except those dully noted in the aforementioned paragraph.
3: I repeat, do not touch the monkies.


The world at large, even the smaller parts, MUST recognise the preeminence of our ancestry to our primate lords. Ok, maybe lords is going out on a bit of a limb, how about Evolutionary Benficiaries? I like that sound of that...

In closing, bugga, bugga, bugga, and thank you for that second banana.