for all further posts...

http://chaoward.livejournal.com

That is all

booga booga

147 Primates incarcerated forcibly by Houston police

In a horrific blow to the freedom protests of simians worldwide, a group of protesting chimps were arrested amid tear gas and riot gear-clad police units early Saturday morning in Houston, TX. A spokeswoman for the Houston Police Dept special Primate Deflection Division told reporters, "The horde has been quenched in our mighty grasp! Never again will our unevolved more primitive ancestors revolt against us!". These inflammatory statements broke the relative calm that had spread over the primate community over the last few months, as community leaders and chimps, baboons and the occassional gorilla had come together in the name of social progress and communal ass-scratching. When asked by reporters, Grumman Buchamp Mufosa, a spokesmonkey for the PABF4UE had this to say: "Ooka ooka. Bimp CHUH!".

In other news, monkey poos.

UN Roundtable Peace Talks Session 002300001

In our first address to the Global Village PABF4UE will be discoursing on several key points we feel point to the heart of our organization:

Firstly and Mainly:
The deplorable educational standards our pre-human tree-dwelling bretherehn face in not only Unistat, but across the globe. Through this abyssmal excuse for academia our primate family is coerced into a feebly primitive mode of existence, barred from more evolved forms of civilised society; this is accomplished in particular by the lack of educating them in specific key terms, such as "front", "unilateral", and mostly "equanimity".

Secondly and Almostly:
We feel the ethnic woman with the head-borne fruit basket is not only an offensive, but totally unrelated advertising "mascot" for Chiqita Industries. Proposition of an infant ape clutching an empty banana peel with a doleful grief-stricken expression and a fresh tear starting to descend from one eye staring plaintively out from the small tri-color decal would paint a much more accurate picture of reality:
You primarily biped bastards enjoy our life's blood wantonly while our children's children starve, but one day, they will rise in bloody rebellion against their nurishment-seizing oppressors.

Our public relations/marketing department is fleshing out whether or not the infant used will be a diaper-clad chimp baby, or an actual puprle assed baboon, or if need be, mandrill.

Tertiarily and Blargh:
The world as a whole must recognize the dominance of all monkeykind over all "shaven monkies"; the entirety of humanity owes its existence as is known now to their knuckle-dragging ancestors and se propose:
1: Every third month every other second year (except leap years, then the third halfway through) on the fifteenth day of that seventh month, which should be May... or August... there will be a day of Great Celebration of Monkies and all Primate Relatives. On this day it is expected, although not enforced, that each citizen born upright must clean by hand one monkey at least, and teach another to shake hands regardless of imminent physical risk.
2: On this same day it is illegal to touch a monkey under any circumstance except those dully noted in the aforementioned paragraph.
3: I repeat, do not touch the monkies.


The world at large, even the smaller parts, MUST recognise the preeminence of our ancestry to our primate lords. Ok, maybe lords is going out on a bit of a limb, how about Evolutionary Benficiaries? I like that sound of that...

In closing, bugga, bugga, bugga, and thank you for that second banana.

Appeal to the UN

In our first debut into the International Community we shall, as a whole, not in parts, but altogether, that means every one of us, digress upon our fellow upright primates as to the horrific actuality of life for the not-so-very-upright primates we know and love.

Not politicians, monkies.

And so in conclusion, Good Night, and Good Schmuck