147 Primates incarcerated forcibly by Houston police

In a horrific blow to the freedom protests of simians worldwide, a group of protesting chimps were arrested amid tear gas and riot gear-clad police units early Saturday morning in Houston, TX. A spokeswoman for the Houston Police Dept special Primate Deflection Division told reporters, "The horde has been quenched in our mighty grasp! Never again will our unevolved more primitive ancestors revolt against us!". These inflammatory statements broke the relative calm that had spread over the primate community over the last few months, as community leaders and chimps, baboons and the occassional gorilla had come together in the name of social progress and communal ass-scratching. When asked by reporters, Grumman Buchamp Mufosa, a spokesmonkey for the PABF4UE had this to say: "Ooka ooka. Bimp CHUH!".

In other news, monkey poos.